When you arrive in a new country, the quiet and sense of unknown can feel heavier than the jet lag. Streets feel unfamiliar, holidays pass without the same traditions back home, and even simple meals feel different without the voices and flavors from home. In those early days, feelings of doubt can pour in: with my family oceans away, who will be my family here?
For many immigrants, family grows from shared life with friends. We build what the heart needs, chosen families. Chosen families is a concept that immigrant women resonate with. As Angela Adami writes in her article “Making Family: Racialized Migrant Women and the Formation of Chosen Political Families in Collective Action”, many of us end up “conceiving of each other as members of a chosen family” that holds us in everyday life.
These are the friends who become your emergency contacts, your festival crew, your people to call when a day goes sideways. They might be from your hometown or from places you only knew on a map. You meet them in a lunchroom, a language class, a community center, or even the checkout line at a grocery store.
At first, it’s the small things. Someone walks with you to the market and helps you find the ingredients you miss. A neighbor invites you over to try a dish you cannot pronounce but will never forget. You trade recipes and share traditions. Their spring festival becomes part of your year, and your harvest celebration becomes part of theirs. The friendship begins as a bridge between cultures and grows into a home of its own.
Over time, these chosen families fill that initial void and make your surroundings feel like a community. Chosen families show that belonging can grow wherever you plant roots. Love, care, and kinship do not stop at borders. Instead, the joy of bonding with others and keeping company shows up in small moments everyday.
Your holiday table might hold food from five continents, yet it still feels like home because the stories and laughter feel familiar.
If you are starting fresh and want to build this sense of community, here are a few starter tips to feel more at home:
- Say yes while staying safe. Meet in public places, tell a friend where you are, or bring someone along if that helps.
- Be present in small moments and ensure you stay connected. When you click with someone, send a text after and set the next coffee or walk so the bond can grow.
- Share your culture and ask about theirs. Potlucks are great for this, a healthy way to bond over food while trading stories.
- Explore together. Join a class, club, faith group, or volunteer day. Leisure activities are great ways to engage with the community around you
- Keep your heart open and your boundaries kind. Stay close to people who honor your time, comfort, and values. That is how a chosen family grows
She Carries Culture 